Memories Of A Strange Sensation

Published by Shahdaroba Tuesday 14th September 2021
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For several weeks, she had been aware of various feelings. One particular feeling had given her a strange sensation, unlike any she had experienced before, and she feared that it would harm her. The knowledge of its origin only made her want to curl up into a little ball and hide. This strange enclosure she found herself in was her home, but how she had arrived there remained uncertain. What she did know was that it was her home, and she was afraid of losing it.

Over time, the strange sensation subsided and was replaced by other feelings. One of these feelings made her feel peculiar, as she became aware of a floating sensation. However, instinctively, she knew that these new feelings meant no harm. The mystery of how she knew this was insignificant; all that mattered was that she felt warm, content, and safe in her home.

All sense of time had been lost, and once again, she felt threatened. Had the strange sensation returned to bring her awareness once more? She couldn’t be sure. Had she been discovered? Despite feeling threatened, a strange calmness settled in her panic.

A Time Of Reckoning

Many weeks passed, as you, the reader, understand time. Once again, she was disturbed by her uncertain memories of the strange sensation that had forcibly disrupted her sense of safety…

Earlier memories flooded back with fear and the desire to hide. Something beyond her control was at work, and her home was no longer a place of safety. There was nowhere to hide, and all she could do was wait.

Where had these powerful memories come from? What was that sound? Either way, something was approaching. She no longer felt safe in what had become her home. Time and time again, she grew anxious about what might be coming. What was happening? What was there to be afraid of?

She tried to focus on the strange rumbling sound, but the source remained hidden. This provided no comfort. What was happening? It drew closer now, with nowhere to hide. All that could be done had been done, and it was only a matter of time.

Back To The Wall

The sounds, the panic, the fear—were they real? Was this the end? With nowhere to hide, it was approaching, and there was no turning back. Her home had now become a prison. Would there be no understanding of the origin of this oppressive fear and anxiety? What had she done to suffer this kind of punishment?

Whatever time was left to him, afraid as he was, he needed to be honest with himself. Focusing back to the first time he became aware of these strange feelings, he had also become aware of a presence. Unsure, he pressed on. More memories came, and now he could feel the panic, the need to hide. His own awareness now overshadowed the fear.

It was as if these memories, strange as they seemed to him, may have once been his own. Yet more memories came to him, with guilt leading them. He now understood the panic, the need to hide, the waiting.

The Becoming

Not wishing to do harm, he had been happy to stay hidden, content in the knowledge that they were one. But things changed. Keeping it close to herself, she tried to hide it. She had failed. She knew the other had sensed it too. They were talking about her, and it had made him fearful. The noises had been soft, filled with affection. It could not end like this; he would not let it end like this.

He now understood the strange feelings he had been sensing. She had every right to be afraid. Not his memories, they had been her memories. The strange sensations, the need to hide, feeling afraid—he was sensing her panic. He had not wished her harm. She was right; he had heard the noises also and knew they weren’t for him.

The year was 1964, the day was Wednesday, early morning. The coming attraction was a birth, not just any birth, but the birth of a unique baby. A baby who, in times to come, would have many regrets. These regrets, unknown to the infant at this time, would grow with the child. But for now, all that mattered was the birth—the infant’s arrival here on Earth.

In a heartbeat, before the first breath was taken, he remembered killing his sister… then it was gone… He had become stronger. Rightly or wrongly he had survived His birth.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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